As a recovering over-thinker, I've lived most of my life in my head. Part of this stems from the things I've had to survive throughout my childhood and young adult life. My body learned quickly that it needed to remain on high alert, always prepared for the next crisis that was sure to come. I didn't even realize it, but my head was continually full of either fears for the future or regrets of the past. I was constantly trying to chart a course that would maintain my safety and dignity. There was no time to let go of the past and future to be in the present.
This is how we are designed. God gave us a whole system in our body (that controls every other system in our body) that works to keep us safe and connected. Our nervous system automatically watches out for us...anticipating threats, logging anything that scares or hurt us, and using all of its resources to protect and sustain us. Since our brains are a part of that system, often our thoughts will get caught up in this automatic process. We can spend all of our lives planning ahead or remembering what's behind.
All the while, the only moment that we truly have any agency or control over is passing us by. This present moment, the one where my fingertips are hitting letters on my laptop to form words and sentences, is the only one that I can actually live in. When I bring my attention and focus back to this moment, I am able to remind my nervous system that I am fully safe, fully loved, and fully free to let life unfold one moment at a time.
When we reorient to the only moment we have been given, we lift the pressure of whatever has happened or will happen off of our shoulders. We release the stress of constantly protecting ourselves and instead trust God to hold that burden. This is the moment that we take deep breaths, that we slow down and savor, that we connect with God and others in order to navigate, that we forgive and let go, that we choose and decide.
We can't get those past moments back and we aren't yet in those future ones.
I'm not saying there isn't a use for looking ahead or behind. These are great gifts...to plan and to remember. We can visit the past and the future, but we can't live there. We can't set down roots in what has already happened or what might happen. We have to build our lives in the present or we will always only be surviving.
Mindfulness (living present) is a skill. It's something that most of us need to practice to become good at. Because in essence, we are redirecting the automatic systems of our body (which, to be clear, are totally a gift from God given to navigate a broken world with safety and dignity) to live fully in the present. We are activating the gift of self-control.
In a technological world where we have, right in our hands, extra fuel for worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, mindfulness becomes that much more challenging of a practice. Our phones hijack our automatic systems. On them, we find unlimited ways to avoid the present moment of our lives. Try staying present while you are on your phone. Unless you are using the camera app, it's impossible (and even taking pictures can separate you from actually fully living a moment).
I don't have enough time or room here to teach you all that I know about mindfulness, but it is one of the lessons in the "Rest" module of my online course "Resource Your Health, Change Your Life". I do, however, want to assure you that even though mindfulness is a skill that often needs to be intentionally practiced (particularly in people who have suffered trauma, abuse, are highly sensitive to the trauma and abuse of others, or are simply deep over-thinkers), it is the simplest skill that you will ever learn.
To be mindful, you simply have to pay attention. And paying attention always involves two things: slowing down and using your senses. Stop. Slow down. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What can you touch? How do you feel? Your senses direct your attention and connect you with whatever is going on in the here and now. When you aren't aware of your senses, you are in your head and disconnected from the moment you are living in.
Last week I wrote about finding the good, and I feel that the lesson of gratitude is seamlessly intertwined with the lesson of mindfulness. Many of us aren't mindful because we don't necessarily enjoy the moments we are living. Maybe things are really hard in our lives right now or maybe we are only focused on everything that is hard in our lives right now. When we learn how to find the good, we will be more open to learning mindfulness. And mindfulness will help us turn some of the daily grind of life into good.
Let me give you an example. I have never loved cooking or baking. For most of my life, it completely stressed me out. I just wanted to get it over with. I would get overwhelmed with all the ingredients, the time and effort that it takes, the next steps in creating something from scratch. All of it just made me dread being in the kitchen. Until I learned to slow down and be mindful.
The other day, I became overwhelmed with life. I was sad. I was angry. And I decided to mindfully bake something ( such a huge sign of healing progress, because normally this would be the last thing I'd want to do.) I slowed my pace. I focused my attention. The ingredients from the refrigerator chilled my hands. The whirring of the electric mixer calmed my dysregulated nervous system. The feel of the dough as I kneaded it made me want to give up writing and bake bread for the rest of my life. I tasted my creation along the way and let myself savor the flavors. And the smell when that treat was done baking invited my deep breaths. It was a completely new experience with something that I'd done for years and years and years.
Another place that I've thoroughly enjoyed being fully present is in the shower. Do you realize how amazingly blessed we are to get hot showers? The majority of the world lives without this luxury, and I have tried to fully live in every second of it lately. Try it. Bathing or showering is a great opportunity to slow down and breath...to let emotions out...to treat ourselves with kindness.
You can practice mindfulness right now in the moment you are living. Stop reading this and pay attention to what you see when you raise your eyes from your screen. What sounds do you hear around you? Are there any smells near you? Take a sip of a drink or pop a bite of a snack into your mouth. Enjoy the fullness of its flavor. Rub your hand down the front of your shirt or the leg of your pants. How do your clothes feel? Notice the solid ground under your feet. We have so many sensory nerves in our hands and feet that we hardly ever notice but that can help us reconnect mind and body.
This is the practice. Slow down. Pay attention. Find the good. Savor. Learn to live from this place. Watch how it changes your life.
Comments